I’ve always believed words have power. Not in a woo woo manifest-a-Lamborghini kind of way, but in a quieter, more dangerous way.
Words shape how we see our reality. And some of them don’t just describe our lives…they numb them.
I kept telling myself the same things for years:
“I should be content.” “I should stop wanting more.” “This is probably enough.”
I thought I was being realistic but I definitely wasn’t. I was sedating myself.
Inspiration vs. Obligation
People who are inspired talk different than people just going through the motions.
Inspired language sounds like: “I choose.” “I love.” “I get to.”
Uninspired language sounds like: “I should.” “I have to.” “I’m supposed to.”
That might seem like semantics but it’s not. It’s motive.
Obligation pushes you from behind. Inspiration pulls you forward.
One drains you before you start. The other creates energy as you move.
How “Should” Becomes a Sedative
Here’s the uncomfortable part – most of my “shoulds” weren’t wisdom. They were defense mechanisms.
“I should be content” meant “I’m tired of feeling disappointed.” “I should want less” meant “I’m tired of risking failure.” “I should accept who I am” meant “I’m tired of trying.”
Those phrases worked. They dulled the ache enough for me to keep functioning.
They didn’t heal anything. They just numbed it.
The Pattern I Can’t Unsee
When I look back at the times I’ve felt most alive in my life, none of them were powered by discipline.
They were powered by pure pull.
Reading as a kid. Playing baseball. Discovering personal development. Caregiving. Writing now.
In those seasons, I didn’t say “I should.” I said “I can’t not do this.”
No willpower required.
The Real Problem Was Never Quitting
For a long time, I beat myself up for stopping things.
But the truth is, I didn’t quit because I was lazy.
I quit because I tried to run inspired work through obligation-based systems.
I tried to “should” my way into a life that only responds to purpose.
That doesn’t work. Not for anyone.
Choosing Words Is Choosing a Life
So…this isn’t about correcting every sentence you say.
It’s about noticing when your language reveals your own self-betrayal.
When you say “I should be happy with this,” ask what you’re really saying.
A lot of times it’s: “I’m afraid to want more again.”
Say “I have to”. Notice how your body reacts.
Now compare that to “I choose this.”
Same action. Completely different posture.
The Second Half
For the second half of my life, I’m done living in compliance mode.
Obligation can keep a man functioning but inspiration is what keeps him alive.
My job now isn’t to become more disciplined. It’s to become more honest about what actually pulls me forward.
That starts with words.
The language you repeat becomes the life you tolerate.
And I’m no longer interested in numbing myself just to get through the day.
I’d rather feel it. Even if that means wanting more again.
Trail Marker:
What phrases do you use that sound like wisdom but might actually be sedation?